Introduction to the Guide

For many years now, I, like many, have mourned the seeming loss of communication skills in the country. And like many, I often targeted teenagers and young adults as the source of this problem. I attributed it to an increase in access to technology and a mentality that wants everything fast, here, and now. I saw the rise of text speak and poor performance in schools and held them up as nigh on infallible proof of this. I was (and still am) constantly called a grammar Nazi for wanting to adhere to perfect diction, usage, mechanics, and punctuation, and I began to despair for the future of this country. For how could a country continue when a large portion of the young population could not effectively communicate ideas to each other? And for that matter, how could these young people begin to formulate ideas in the first place without a strong base of language in which to do it? I was beginning to think that we were doomed to failure. In this interest of full disclosure, I am of the very generation I first began to worry about, which largely explains all of the melodramatic thoughts. As I grew older, my views began to change, though not necessarily for the better. In September of 2011, I began working at an arts and crafts store, and my eyes were opened to a whole new host of communication problems, many of which I had never really thought about or considered. Many of them were things that I had probably done at one time or another without a second thought. And the worst part about it is that the vast majority of the issues were committed by individuals above the age group I had first begun to worry about. In fact, the older generations were often the worst perpetrators of communication errors or lapses. I realized that communication problems tend to stem less from any particular age group and more from the way a person is raised, how they view the world and themselves in it, and how they think. People view the world in very diverse ways, and there are as many ways to think and process information as there are people to think. There are many interpretations of a situation, and many reactions to a particular event. To that end, good communication skills should be the tools we use to bridge those gaps, to find understanding, and to find solutions based on that mutual understanding. Poor communication skills work to the exact opposite goal, creating misunderstanding and enmity between people. This is why we tend to value these skills so highly in our politicians, management personnel, ambassadors and diplomats, teachers, counselors, and other individuals whose job involves working with many people at once. But even if you don’t work in one of these fields, you should possess good communication skills because at some point, you will be involved in a conflict with another person, and you will need to be able to reconcile your differences. Within a month of being hired, I was transferred from a cashier position to a position in the fabric department. I was happy there, despite the long seasonal hours. My coworkers were nice people, and I respected them. Soon afterwards, however, another worker returned from a leave of absence, and almost from the first moment treated me horribly. She was condescending to me and seemed only to see me as a child. She was old enough to be my grandmother, which may explain, but not excuse her behavior. I tried many times to have the issue addressed with management, to no avail. I tried to discuss my issues with her. She sometimes laughed them off, and other times implied that I was crazy and making things up. She never honestly listened, nor attempted to compromise to improve the situation. Eventually the manager gave the impression that he did not want to hear it either, and I was left with no recourse for dialog on the subject. Without that critical dialogue, there could be no repairing the issue. Eventually, the situation became so toxic that I verbally lashed out in anger at her, at which point I asked the manager for a transfer to another department. He flatly refused, and I bowed out permanently. I am not sorry to leave such a painful situation, but I am sorry that the root cause was such a silly thing. Better communication skills all around could have made this story a much shorter one with a much happier ending. It was, however, the impetus for turning what had been a few notes online into this blog. My sincerest hope is that it is not a wasted effort. Now as to what this blog is and is not. This blog is a collection of empirical observations with ideas and guides as to how to fix the presented issues. It is meant to help you analyze your own communication style and find and fix holes or problems therein. It is nowhere near a comprehensive list of errors that may exist, nor is it the be-all-end-all guide for addressing these issues. It is meant to stimulate your communication, and to help you understand things about your relationships and dealings that you may not have seen or caught before. I am not, however, a psychologist, a psychiatrist, or a communications specialist. I have no degrees in any sort of communication or human relations field. My word is not gospel on the subject. What I bring to the table is not textbook knowledge, but real world experience. I am not sitting at the top of the social hierarchy, looking down and doling out advice based on my training. Rather, I am sitting at the bottom looking up, and that perspective is both very different, and a great enrichment to the discourse.